have been trying to catch up with shows online. its damn sian and i know that my eyes will go blind one day if i were to continue this. theres just too much to watch but too little time. it seems like im going to just waste this weekend like that. oh how lovely...
i just finished three duties this week, its super tiring! ive never felt like this before - emotional and tired. sometimes images of the past just flash back and im thinking, what the heck am i doing? resulting in many mistakes done. actually im all prepared for punishments coming to me real soon but the fear of it makes me feel that i shouldnt have done it. aiya, i dont even know what im talking about. im just tired, its nothing to do with anyone. my friend asked me what happened. its nothing since its already over so i find it pointless to talk about it. sometimes its only at that point of time that you feel like you are about to go into depression but the next day, you feel nothing so bad about it. its you know, a brand new day so everything yesterday goes.
so what happened since i disappeared from my blog? ive been trying to update here but i dont like to type long stories so i decided to cut real short and update on twitter. its good that way also la. my brain is dying soon, even before i ord i believe.
anyway like ive always been saying nothing unusual happen. its all about camp, army and stuffs like that. only thing was attending the saf day parade at safti. good experience but the seating was terrible. my butt was aching like hell but it was enjoyable.
going to be on break this week. tomorrow shall start my leave, then doing guard on tuesday till wednesday morning, then leave again till friday when i got to train for the marathon. i hate it, i hate running - serious. i doubt i can ever run like before cos my right leg hurts so differently i feel like chopping it away. whatever it is, just go and see how. its good to take a break but there goes my innocent leave man! im trying to save up leaves for holiday trips but i ended up with nothing left for the remaining months. how great! my august trip takes up 5 days, then year end trip takes up another 5. how? i dont know actually, just see if i can get some off-days or if my superior is kind enough to offer me with special privileges to go on a break.
btw i cant believe i sat facing the comp in the office thinking of not nothing but many things. i thought of my trainee days which was something i would love to go back to. basically i dont have friends i can really hang out with in my current unit. the feeling sucks. each word that you say, youve got to be really careful in case you offend someone. and if people were to come to you, you just keep quiet and listen or you just take up the deal. well sometimes i do reject but do i have a choice? it sucks to be there sometimes with no one whom you can depend on. that makes/forces you to be firm an independent which i think i cant. terrible feeling, then all i can do is to stay emo the whole damn day until someone actually makes things better. sigh just how long can i hold on?
planning to go town and have a walk alone tomorrow. theres nothing to shop even though its the gss. haha i always thought gss was some big thing but its all... well but just a way to make people spend on expensive stuffs. i wanna get itouch, my ipods memory full and i think its time to change. i dont even know how much i have in my bank right now. sian... i got to save up for my hong kong and year end trip... my friends will be in switzerland so im planning this year end. the dates are all set, airtickets checked, hotels should be alright then money shouldnt be a problem since there wouldnt be much shopping to do there unless we travel to paris or something to add on to the itinerary.
oh yes, the guard duty i did on friday was good. should be one of the best ive done so far plus the officer cadets were damn good unlike the men. it was no doubt a shitty night but i enjoyed the company!
